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'Follow the Path You Have Chosen, Traveler' DMT & Alprazolam (Xanax) by Curiosityandthecat [EROWID  - edited for brevity ]

A brief history of I: …… I've suffered from major depression, severe anxiety … and ADHD my entire life. ….

Specific history of personal use of dimethyltriptamine: I started extracting DMT from mimosa hostilis root bark months ago, I got pretty good at it, … … I had endless dimethyltriptamine at my disposal. I dealt it, I used it daily, and I gave it to friends who were daring enough to try even a tiny bit. I HAVE broken through, but not to the extent of what I am going to tell you in this trip report.

'sic infit.' (Latin, 'so it begins.') Recently, I had been reading all of these amazing trip reports from people and got so frustrated that I have all of this DMT and the only thing holding me back was my anxiety. I decided I was going to do a LOT. I bought 4, 2mg bars, from my friend (I have a huge benzo tolerance, I can eat 5 or 6 2mg bars and still remember what I did the next day). Once I got home, I ate two, preparing for the craziest DMT trip of my life …

The bars started taking affect, my anxiety vanished and I became extremely excited to smoke this insane amount. It was about 90mg-100mg. …..Immediately regular sound disappeared (I had some Tchaikovsky on, its soothing to me) ….. My entire room was beginning to turn colors, patterns were starting to form on the walls…. Within the next 3 seconds I no longer had walls, my entire vision was plastered with insanely colorful patterns and shapes. …... As soon as the bong touched the floor (which was no longer there), I saw odd creatures walking in and out of my 'room.' None of them noticed me, as I don't think any of them had any intelligence of me witnessing them, they looked like cats, but definitely were not cats. I laid down on my bed, … and my vision, within a millisecond of my head hitting my pillow, went black.

Instantly I was flying at hyperspeed through space, past planets in our solar system at first, going slow, then I started flying faster and faster, reaching a speed many times faster than the speed of light. I passed galaxies, I passed stars. Eventually, a huge red star started coming into view. So large that I cannot explain its enormous geometry. I began slowing down, next to the GIGANTIC star, a space station started coming into view, just on the horizon of the star. At first when I saw it, compared to the enormous star, it looked like an ant. I slowly approached it (I didn't choose to, I wasn't controlling anything, I was just going with the flow) and it started getting larger and larger as I was nearing it.   [And so it continues ……………]

This experience has, so far, cured my depression, but it skyrocketed my anxiety. It's hard not to think about what I witnessed and what I was told, it's hard to tell myself 'it was just the drug.' Do I believe it was real? I simply do not know, but if that were all my imagination, I wouldn't mind lying in a bed, with an IV of DMT constantly entering my veins and permanently inhabiting my brain, for the rest of my life.