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Psychoreal (Through the Eye of a Needle) - DPT & Cannabis - by Nuages Gris

I felt an anti-nirvanic imperative, the titanic struggle of the me split into yin-yang, the DOer and the BEer refusing to unify. It was the messiest ego death I’ve ever undergone - splintered bone and gristle still floating around in anthropomorphic parodies of the first person. My mind had been turned inside out and was subject to brutal scrutiny. The inversion exposed a hundred anxieties I didn't know I had. The alien, poking through a self-skin and assuming a ridiculous form, kept asking me WHY I was doing this and what I wanted to get OUT of it. It mocked me for wanting to get something out of the experience and scolded me for not being in the moment. It informed me that the preconceptions I’d brought to this trip had the penetrating thoroughness of a bacterium’s conception of Los Angeles. ………………

It was amazing how strongly the motif of alien abduction was felt - the closest I came to freaking out was when a loud ringing buzz settled into my head from nowhere and I began to see my splattered self-shell as a runny collection of severed organs on a table being dissected by a circle of shadowed laser-wielding beings around me. Suddenly I was in the middle of an H.R. Giger scene. I was definitely NOT getting into the abduction trip. Fuck that. I distracted myself with some music until that volley faded………….

Every time I revisit these dimensions, it seems that ego-death is usually the one thing I can count on. While it’s surely a profound and educational experience, I sense I've yet to truly transcend it and move on to other, more enlightening levels. There's always some shred of self that hangs on and makes trouble.