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Observations placeholder

Sylvia, Claire - A sudden preference for big blondes



Type of Spiritual Experience


A description of the experience

A Change of heart - Claire Sylvia

….I wondered: Is it conceivable that this new heart might affect me sexually? Probably not, but who knew for sure?

My new heart did seem to be affecting my Personality. I noticed that I no longer felt lonely, even when I was by myself. On weekdays, when I was separated from Amara [her daughter] and my friends, I didn't miss them much. Sometimes I had the feeling that somebody else was in there with me, that in some intangible way, my sense of "I" had become a kind of "we." Although I couldn't always detect this extra Presence, at times it almost felt as if a second soul were sharing my body. I wondered about these feelings, but I still wasn't ready to take them seriously. Because they didn't fit into any category I was aware of, I dismissed them.

But this new male energy did seem to be affecting me. Until the transplant, I had spent most of my adult life either in a relationship with a man or hoping to be in one. But for years after the operation, while I still felt attracted to men, I didn't feel that same need to have a boyfriend. I was freer and more independent than before, as if I had taken on a more masculine outlook.

Most men – at least the ones I've known - just don't crave the closeness of an intimate connection the way women do. They may enjoy being in a relationship, but they don't feel incomplete without one. For the first time in my life, I didn't either.

It took years after the transplant before I was finally in an extended relationship with a man. I was still meeting men and enjoying their company, but generally, as we grew closer, something in me seemed to be pushing these men away. I occasionally wondered if my male heart might be jealous, as if this Presence I was feeling was reluctant to share me with anyone else.

My personality was changing, too, and becoming more masculine. I was more aggressive and more assertive than I used to be, and more confident as well. I felt I knew things that men knew, things I hadn't known as a woman and that seemed to have come to me from some other place. It was a subtle feeling, as though I'd been entrusted with some secret knowledge that I didn't completely understand.

Even my walk became more masculine. "Mom," said Amara, "why are you walking like that? You're kind of lumbering, like a football player."......... 

………………People ask me whether my sexual preferences have changed since the transplant. While this hasn't happened in any overt way, I am often drawn to women whom I, as a woman, don't feel are especially attractive. The women whose looks I liked before the transplant tended to be tall, slender, and dark, but after the transplant I also found myself looking at women who are shorter, rounder and blonder – as if some male energy within me were responding to them

[And much later she finds out from Tim’s family why…]

 ………… I was curious about Tim's girlfriend, assuming he had one. I now know that while there was no one girlfriend, Tim did have a big crush on a girl who didn't happen to share his feelings. When she started going out with another boy -  a close friend of Tim's, in fact Tim was distraught.

For years I wondered about this girl. Was it possible that she looked like the type of woman I had suddenly and inexplicably started noticing and staring at after the transplant? Apparently she did. Although I have never met her, I now know that the object of Tim's affections was short and curvy, with curly blond hair.

The source of the experience

Sylvia, Claire

Concepts, symbols and science items



Science Items

Activities and commonsteps



Organ transplantation