TiKHAL – 4-HO-DET with phosphate ester - ego loss
Type of Spiritual Experience
A description of the experience
TiKHAL – the continuation – Dr Alexander and Ann Shulgin
4-HO-DET with 15mg phosphate ester, orally
It is meaningful to say that I ceased to exist, becoming immersed in the ground of being, in Brahman, in God, in ‘nothingness’, in Ultimate reality, or in some similar religious symbol for oneness. The feelings I experienced could best be described as cosmic tenderness, infinite love, penetrating peace, eternal blessing and unconditional acceptance on one hand and on the other, as unspeakable awe, overflowing joy, primeval humility, inexpressible gratitude and boundless devotion.
Yet all of these words are hopelessly inadequate and can do little more than meekly point toward the genuine, inexpressible feelings actually experienced. It is misleading even to use the words ‘I experienced’ as during the peak of the experience – which must have lasted at least an hour – there was no duality between myself and what I experienced. Rather, I was these feelings, or ceased to be in them and felt no loss at the cessation.
For days after the experience itself, I continue to feel a deep sense of awe and reverence and am simultaneously intoxicated with an ecstatic joy. This euphoric feeling is in no sense analogous to hebephrenic giddiness; it includes elements of profound peace and steadfastness, surging like a spring from a depth of my being which has rarely, if ever, been tapped prior to the drug experience.