Dripping Bloody Killing Machines DOC by Noviseer
Type of Spiritual Experience
Alprazolam (trade name Xanax), available under other generic names, is a short-acting anxiolytic of the benzodiazepine class of drugs commonly used and FDA approved for the medical treatment of panic disorder, and anxiety disorders
A description of the experience
Dripping Bloody Killing Machines
Citation: Noviseer. "Dripping Bloody Killing Machines: An Experience with DOC (ID 51677)". Erowid.org. Apr 28, 2006. erowid.org/exp/51677
|DOSE: T+ 0:00||2.0 mg||oral||DOC||(powder / crystals)|
|T+ 16:00||2.0 mg||oral||Pharms - Alprazolam||(pill / tablet)|
|BODY WEIGHT:||155 lb|
49 hours ago my girlfriend and I each took 2mgs of DOC. I had some doubts as to whether or not the material had fully dissolved in the alcohol, so the dose may have been slightly higher or lower. This was our first experience with a 'research chemical.' We're both fairly experienced with mushrooms, mescaline, and MDMA, and have had one low dose LSD experience. I'll try to reconstruct and recall what I can of the experience, but as I've been awake and stimulated for close to two days now (I did manage to sleep a few hours, THANK GOD, last night) I'm going to have to guess at the times of events.
T+0:20 - First alert feeling. A bit of anxiety and a lot of yawning. Very slow, gentle come-up. We decided to walk around town to rid ourselves of some of the excess energy.
T+1:00 - We're back in our apartment laying in our bed. I feel a distinctive phenethylamine softness reminiscent of MDMA and an insistent languor that mescaline can give. I am full of energy, but can do little more than lay down. We both feel a bit of nausea, nothing too serious. In retrospect, we should not have dosed so soon after breakfast.
T+1:20 - Our bodies feel great, our moods are elated, if not a bit anxious, and we decide to go swimming. Its a relatively nice day for march, and we alternate between the pool and Jacuzzi of our apartment complex. This was the most sensually pleasant portion of the trip. Swimming underwater was absolutely stunning. Lots of playfulness and feeling like we were kids again. I felt an unprecedented amount of freedom. Sometime during this period I decided that DOC was my favorite drug--euphoric and sensual, yet lighter and less pushy than MDMA.
T+2:30 - Shower time. Sex did not happen. What I described as a 'global current' began to build up in my nervous system. I felt like I was flowing with electricity. My fingers stuck together. My jaw became tight and my fists clenched. My body had weird preferential movements; when I rinsed off my face, for example, my fingers would attract their counterparts on the opposite hand symmetrically, like magnets. I felt like my nervous system had become one great big electromagnet, with strange currents and attractive/repulsive forces. This stimulation would eventually keep me up for 38 hours strait. Reading other DOC reports, I did not expect so much of a body load. It was certainly manageable, and during the euphoric period of the trip, quite pleasant.
T+3:00 – Peak begins. We decide to walk around town again. I sent my girlfriend into a store to get some Gatorade, as I felt I could not function. I had a tough time walking strait. The electricity is getting stronger. When she was inside, I held onto a fence and got steadily immersed in a land of visuals. This reminded me a lot of mushrooms, where visuals and depth can be summoned by simply touching and staring. As I stared at the path we had come up, I lost all sense of gravity, perspective, and direction. Hints of entities peaked out of the trees, but not the mushroom entities. These seemed to be symptoms of a synthetically altered brain, rather than ever-present spirits. This is an important theme: I rejected the reality of the trip in a way I have never done before. Whether or not this was due to the synthetic nature of the chemical itself, I don’t know. I just felt ‘too’ good, and ‘too’ fucked up. I felt I wasn’t seeing into the true nature of reality, but rather was seeing what my own brain could do when sufficiently perturbed with chemicals.
T+4:00 – I walk off balance. Visuals are aggressive. Lights shine. I feel like Hunter S. Thompson in Fear and Loathing. Totally fucked. But strangely powerful. I feel like I have taken in the whole world, and perhaps I am God? I begin to have insights into the nature of acid-heads. This is not meant to offend anybody and is based on pure speculation. But I started to think that this ‘power,’ was menacing, alluring, and ultimately built upon a house of cards. I felt like I could convince myself of paranormal activity, psychic senses, synchronicities. But ultimately, I thought, all this stuff is crap. A fool’s game the psychedelic head plays on one’s self because he/she likes feeling like they are ‘special,’ privy to some secret club of extraordinary knowledge. The power felt seductive and sick.
T+5:30 – I am skirting the edge of psychosis like never before. I feel like I may go up to strangers and act irresponsibly. Lights are exploding around me. Aural hallucinations galore. I’ve tripped harder off mushrooms, but I’ve never been so fucked up, in a certain explosive way, in my life. My girlfriend is tripping nicely, but at a much lighter level (as is typical, she has a much higher resistance to these things than I do, apparently). We ride a glass elevator up and down 35 floors. I feel some of the seductive power again. This is OUR elevator. We are the only people in history to take DOC and ride up and down in a glass elevator. I am slick and cool. I am so much more savvy and daring than the rest of those schmucks out there. I can do anything. The little voice of reason is diminishing.
T+6:00 – We return to the apartment. The visuals are still increasing. I read Shulgin’s DOC report (I assume I can tell who wrote which report, though they are un-named because I have read PiHKAL and am super smart). The report begins “Here I am at the sixth hour, and I am still roaring along at a full plus three.” I feel the same way. A creeping paranoia begins, which I’ve never felt before on any drug. I hear auditory hallucinations, and look up to see a strange speaker. Who put it there? The ceiling is writhing along, with detail, depth, and power. Strange octopus forms stretch tentacles out from the periphery and threaten to dose me with more electricity. The charge is powerful and disconcerting. My ego is fragmented; I am part scared, part amazed, part seduced by my new power, part repulsed by it. I know I am on DOC, I know what is and what is not real.
T+6:30 – The most memorable visual of the trip: I urinate a blue drop, which lands three feet away from the toilet and turns into a dime. I pick the dime up. I am disgusted. These are not the holy visuals of mushrooms and mescaline - these are dirty, untrue, fucked up, aggressive, and threatening visuals. Still, I am not afraid. I have a pushy euphoria carrying me through - I am emotionally numb in certain ways, and feel incapable of true fear. I am manic.
T+8:00 – Somewhere I slip out of the peak and down into a plus two. The visuals are not as insistent, though they do retain their force and power if I let them. I can, if I chose, ignore them at this point. We took out paints and painted a large canvas. It was beautiful and fun, and I love my girlfriend. Feeling better. Play guitar faster and more beautifully than ever before. I am not proud, however, of my newfound capabilities. I feel like I am hurting myself with this stuff, created by Mammon, and will pay a dear price for it. Like Robert Johnson, I have made a deal with the devil.
T+10:00 – Girlfriend goes to sleep, I cannot sit still. I have entered the second stage of DOC intoxication. Obsessive thinking, reading, self analysis. Am I as witty as the rest of the authors of DOC trip reports on Erowid? Am I cool? Am I smart? Do I fit in? DOC provides, I decide, an incredible wit and sense of humor. I like being so smart. Its gross. What is happening to my ego?
Basically at this point I sit up all night reading Buddhist doctrine and DOC trip reports. I am wondering when sleep will come. My girlfriend seems to be sleeping fine. Eventually I am too fried to read. I sit in the bathroom with the light on, tweaking, shitting weird diarrhea, miserable. I try sleeping a bunch of times, not a chance. The stimulation is enormous and prevents me from sleeping.
I remember particular CEV’s of gwar-style death.
Dripping bloody killing machines.
They do not frighten me, but they do make me feel like I am damaging my brain. Fuck. Take 2mgs xanax, it does nothing. Stay up tweaking out all night long.
T+24:00. Girlfriend is awake. I am feeling better. Eat breakfast at a nice café, feel witty and alert. I am euphoric because there is a long lasting phenethylamine in my body, and dysphonic because I am hurting myself and cannot sleep. I relax and enjoy the cognitive enhancement. We bum around all day, taking walks, went to the library. I feel compelled to do SOMETHING at all times. I cannot sit still. I am tweaking. I’ve never tried Meth, but it sounds like the most unappetizing experience on the face of the earth.
T+30:00 – We visit with some friends who go to college out of state. Tell them about the DOC. I am witty and cool. I am so smart. I feel guilty for having ordered drugs off the internet and giving them to my girlfriend. I am exhausted and stimulated. Dinner, movie, drive home. I hope and pray to God I will sleep. I am done with psychedelics, uppers, downers, what have you, forever. I long to feel natural again. I want to be a better person, more honest, more balanced, more caring, and drugs, I realize, have been getting in the way.
T+36:00 – Laying in the dark, incapable of sleep, incapable of reading. My imagination is fried. I have never been so miserable. Why the fuck can’t I sleep. I can’t remember how to do it. I have no thoughts, no fugues, nothing. I will my subconscious to enter and dissolve me into blessed sleep, but nothing comes. I cannot get my body temp stable; I shiver, I sweat. I compulsively get up and look at my eyes in the bathroom every half hour. They are still dilated! I still have the electric current (though it has died down to about 5 percent of its peak levels). I complain to my girlfriend, who suggests that I just shut up and don’t move.
T+38:00 - Finally, after laying still for what feels like hours, bored to tears, I enter a kind of jackhammer world. I feel like various parts of my body are connected to incredibly powerful vibrating machines. I am elated and afraid. Something is happening.
I wake up two hours later. Did I sleep or pass out? I am repairing. My eyes are no longer dilated. The electricity is all but gone. I sleep some more.
And that brings us up to right now.
Conclusions: DOC was fun, felt good, and for the first few hours was truly the perfect drug [sic]. Tweaking out for 38 hours strait without redosing on anything was the worst thing I have ever experienced. I decided sometime through the trip that my obsession with chemically altered states, which started with my first drink of alcohol, needs come to an end. I have learned a lot of psychedelics and will always value them, but for the time being, I am through.
I am still integrating the experience. It was definitely worthwhile, and I'm glad it happened to me once. I learned a lot about myself, my mind, conversation/relationships, etc. But the 30 hour comedown will prevent me from touching DOC ever again.
|Exp Year: 2006||ExpID: 51677|
|Age at time of experience: Not Given|
|Published: Apr 28, 2006||Views: 39,700|