Custance, John - Wisdom, Madness and Folly - Discovers Hell
Type of Spiritual Experience
During depression he has lost all touch with his composer so he is figuratively speaking in hell.
This observation is fascinating because it implies those with obsessive compulsive disorder and those who are religiously fanatic are actually in 'hell' in that they have lost all touch with the spiritual world
A description of the experience
Wisdom, Madness and Folly - John Custance
When in a depressive period I have an intense sense of repulsion to lavatories, excreta, urine, or anything associated with them. This repulsion extends to all kinds of dirt. I loathe going to the lavatory, using a chamber-pot, or touching anything in the least bit dirty. With this repulsion is associated extreme terror, in my case terror of eternal punishment in Hell. It is also associated with repulsion to fellow-creatures, repulsion to self, repulsion in fact to the whole universe. Finally it is associated with a sense of intense guilt.
In the manic phase repulsion gives place to attraction. I have no repulsion to excreta, urine and so on. I have no distaste for dirt. I do not care in the least whether I am washed or not, whereas I am terrified of the slightest speck of dirt and continually wash my hands like Lady Macbeth when in a state of depression. At the same time I feel a mystic sense of unity with all fellow-creatures and the Universe as a whole I am at peace with myself; and I have no sense of guilt whatsoever.