Common steps and sub-activities
Relearning - Function relearning - Converting grief and sorrow
Buddhism advocates the use of non attachment, - actually meaning reduction of desires.
But neither Buddhism nor any other religions advocate non attachment in the sense of not loving things. In fact they all promote love and compassion as two principle goals. And when we love something we are also going to have to cope with loss.
All things must pass. All things must pass away.
To feel no sorrow and no grief at the loss of some loved person or creature shows a lack of humanity, it is not a fault to grieve, but there are also ways of converting the grief back into a form of love - compassion for yourself - so that you do not sink out of sight :
- Use your heightened perceptions to recall from memory every last second of the best experiences and memories you have of that person or animal. Savour them, appreciate everything about those memories. Fill your heart full of the goodness of that feeling
- Repeat to yourself. “I have truly loved this person or animal but now they are gone . I have taken advantage of the fact I was lucky enough to have been given their company and I thank [whoever you want to thank] for enabling me to know this person or animal”
- And repeat. All things must pass. All things must pass away. I will carry my memory of them with me and enjoy it again and again by recalling it. But I must not stop my life because they have gone. I must now move on.
- Anticipation of the sorrow of loss is pointless. Live for the moment, always enjoy the moment and the joy the person or animal gives you, but do not anticipate their going or their loss. If you have truly appreciated them whilst that person or animal was alive, revelling in every second you were lucky enough to be with them, then when they go – which they will – you have actually lost nothing, because you wasted no moment shared with them.
Love is not some limited pool from which you may only experience a small portion in your life, it is a vast reservoir - an ocean!
There may be new, perhaps unexpected people and animals you will love who you have yet to meet, or maybe you have met them, but have never taken the time to get to know them for who they are.
Love can be found in many strange places, and just because you have lost a person or thing you really loved, does not mean you should not love again.
Furthermore it does not diminish the feelings you had for the one lost to love again.
Love builds on love like a golden ladder.