There Was Life In Those Eyes MMDA by Morninggloryseed
Type of Spiritual Experience
A description of the experience
There Was Life In Those Eyes
Citation: Morninggloryseed. "There Was Life In Those Eyes: An Experience with MMDA (ID 98992)". Erowid.org. Jan 17, 2013. erowid.org/exp/98992
|DOSE:||195 mg||oral||MMDA||(powder / crystals)|
|BODY WEIGHT:||150 lb|
June 4th, 2010
Prologue: MMDA looks appealing just based on structure alone. If one drew the structure of mescaline, then superimposed the structure of MDA over mescaline…you would get MMDA. Or, you could look at it as “3-MeO-MDA”. Anyway, like many psychonauts…I had read of MMDA in “The Healing Journey” (by Claudio Naranjo) and “Chocolate To Morphine” (by Andrew Weil) long ago when I was a kid and had dreamed of trying this intriguing material, known for its “brain movies” and facilitating the re-experience of child-hood events, ever since learning of its existence.
However, due to MMDA being a banned substance around the world, it has never been available from the research chemical market. Nor has it ever appeared on the black market to the best of my knowledge. Suffice to say that MMDA is a rare bird, but I was gifted a single dosage a couple of years ago by a wonderful and very giving chemist (you know who you are, and I love ya!!!.) I sat on it until just this past weekend.
I’ve been in the midst of a depression that I have been unable to get myself out of for some time…it has been significant enough to have been causing me difficulty at home, relationship, etc. I figured a nice solo trip could help me put things into perspective, and maybe shake me out of this rut.
My girlfriend of that time was out of town to see a friend on the East Coast, so I had the apartment to myself. I was never before into tripping indoors at my place because it was small, and dark with old carpet, just not a good environment. However, a few months ago our condo was renovated; beautiful new hardwood floors were installed. For all practical purposes, it was a new place and I could not ask for a better pad to trip in. So with the house all to myself, and a dose of MMDA that I had been saving for just such an occasion, I decided to dabble on the next Saturday.
Saturday was here and I was unusually nervous. From all available literature, MMDA did not sound any more difficult to handle than MDA or MDMA. But for whatever reason, I had some serious jitters. My best friend JMY had offered to come over and keep me company for a few hours while I cleaned up the condo and prepared for my trip. JMY is my oldest best friend, and he is the person I had my first psychedelic experience with, all of those years ago on by eating the seeds of morning glory. We go back a long way; I had been wanting to trip with him for a while as we had not had that experience together for ages. All the sudden it hit me…why not offer him MDMA (he had no previous experience with MDMA or any of the entactogens) since he has also had some trauma and drama in his life. Perhaps he would find the MDMA useful while I experience what MMDA had to offer me. After a little persuasion, he agreed and I began to weigh out our respective dosages.
Finally after midnight, I took my MMDA and JMY took his first ever dose of MDMA. We waited for the come-up by watching some of the tube, then switching the “Bonus Disc” from the Deluxe Edition of “Electronic Arguments” by The Fireman…a wonderful ambient album by Paul McCartney (under the pseudonym of The Fireman). I noticed an initial sense of warmth after about 20 minutes, then not much more for an hour. Same with JMY.
The initial effects were typical of entactogens…emotional and physical warmth, softening of the mood, and some stimulation. As with MDMA, MDA, methylone, etc…I felt very intoxicated by the come-up and found it difficult to speak. Again, this is normal for me and if I had to compare I would say that MMDA feels a lot like MDA when coming on, but with far less stimulation. In fact, the drug almost felt like methylone in that there was no significant stimulant push for me. It was stimulating, but also relaxing and intoxicating.
I noted right away with MMDA that there was significant visual enhancement of objects in my view. In fact, MMDA was certainly the most visual of all the entactogens I have tried. With MDMA and methylone, there is little or no visual effects, just brightening around the corners of objects, perhaps slight trails on moving objects. MDA was much more visual, and my last time with MDA (120mg of the racemate) I remember seeing LSD-like breathing and movement in surrounding objects…along with colors and trails. MMDA was different….there was no movement or breathing, but intense color enhancement; normal color was replaced with extreme neon colors. Objects did not move, but would appear to distort or to take on a new form.
But the real treasure was when the eyes were closed. The so-called ‘brain movies’ began to appear within an hour of taking the MMDA and continued for the duration of the experience. At first, with eyes closed, I saw revolving shapes and forms which soon turned into faces. They were not faces of anyone I recognized, but there was a sense of life in the eyes I saw…so realistic that the only thing that compared to this were the eyes of the entities/being I saw on N,N-DMT. There was life in the eyes of these MMDA visions that had a level of reality that I just have not seen on other entheogens.
In addition to the faces, I also saw letters and numbers that gradually became readable words. I also (strange as it sounds) saw internet web pages, complete with all of the icons one would see on Internet Explorer, so clear I could read specific words! There was no message to these words, no rhyme of reason to them that I could see. However, they were there and I cannot compare the reality of these visions to any other entheogens I’ve tried. The MMDA ‘brain movies’ are unique and unlike anything else I’ve tried.
I wish there was more for me to expand upon, since MMDA reports are so rare, but because of the circumstances I was never able to give them the focus that they deserved. I can absolutely see how (in a proper psychotherapeutic environment) the ‘brain movies’ that MMDA produces could be directed to allow people to re-examine past events, or revisit their childhood. There really was some amazing content to them, when I was paying attention, and I am left pondering the, ‘what if’?
In retrospection I do regret taking the MMDA with company. Since it was JMY’s first try with MDMA, he was quite alive and filled with the love and grace that MDMA is famous for. He was constantly communicating to me his feelings and insights, so I did a lot of listening and was never able to really focus inward. I was never annoyed or frustrated with him, in fact I was so happy to see him smile and be filled with love and grace….it was worth it even at the expense of not being as tuned into my own experience as I would have liked; but in hindsight it is obvious that MMDA is not much of an empathy-producer.
I listened to JMY and offered responses and insight when called for, but I never felt the connection to him that I know I would have, had I taken MDMA or methylone. There was intense emotional enhancement, but it felt more like MDA in that it was very general…happy was super-happy but sad was super-sad. MDMA and methylone have always seemed to have a positive push regardless of the mood before ingestion.
The effects continued in full for 4-5 hours, then began to decline. Or so I thought. While the major effects seemed to be dying down, I started having full on hallucinations. This reminded me of MDA in that as the emotional and physical effects wane, some of the more entheogenic and visual effects begin to manifest. I kept noticing JMY playing with a cell phone, seemingly texting away while talking to me. I saw this clear as day...when he would get up from his chair to walk to the kitchen, the lit-up green buttons from the phone created trails as he moved from point A to point B. But when he just happened to mention that his phone broke earlier in the day, I asked him what he had been texting on if he had no phone. He looked at me puzzled and I realized I was hallucinating.
Another was that a plain plastic black bag to me looked like a pair of paisley boxers complete with the hole to pee through....I thought JMY just left his draws on my floor, but the next morning I realized it was a black plastic bag and that I had hallucinated that too. Finally I kept hearing the theme song to 'I love Lucy' complete with the closing caption, 'I love Lucy is a Desilu production.' At first I believed my upstairs neighbor had their TV on too loud, but when I asked if JMY was experiencing this...he informed me that it was dead silent and there was no TV on. I actually heard this for the rest of the evening in a complete loop. Sometimes it was in the background, but when I would focus upon it, it was totally loud and clear and I was not sure if I enjoyed this aspect or not. What strange subconscious memories produced this? Later I would also hear music and talking coming from my sound system, but JMY again confirmed that these noises were in my head.
Around the sixth hour, I retired to my bed. There was also no hangover the next day from MMDA, and indeed the only side-effect the whole night was the expected nausea and nystagmus that all entactogens seem to produce to some extent when I dabble. Beyond this, there was no appreciable comedown, no significant after-affects at all. In fact, I'd list MMDA as relatively bening and one of the easiest entactogens I've tried since methylone….but I’d have to say that the actual effect was far more interesting than MDMA or methylone. And much easier to handle than MDA, with no comedown at all. I also noted that my mood was significantly improved for days after, and it did help me to get out of my rut. No major life-changing affirmations, but I am confident that in the right setting, MMDA is a very unique entheogen/entactogen and I hope the Gods grace me with more to try one fine day.
|Exp Year: 2010||ExpID: 98992|
|Age at time of experience: 35|
|Published: Jan 17, 2013||Views: 4,898|