Haig, Matt - Reasons to stay alive - 01 The need for patience and trust
Type of Spiritual Experience
A description of the experience
Matt Haig - Reasons to stay alive
You are on another planet. No one understands what you are going through. But actually, they do. You don't think they do because the only reference point is yourself . You have never felt this way before, and the shock of the descent is traumatising you, but others have been here. You are in a dark, dark land with a population of millions.
Things aren't going to get worse. You want to kill yourself. That is as low as it gets. There is only upwards from here.
You hate yourself. That is because you are sensitive. Pretty much every human could find a reason to hate themselves if they thought about it as much as you did. We're all total bastards, us humans, but also totally wonderful.
So what, you have a label? 'Depressive'. Everyone would have a label if they asked the right professional
That feeling you have, that everything is going to get worse, is just a symptom.
Minds have their own weather systems. You are in a hurricane. Hurricanes run out of energy eventually.
Ignore stigma. Every illness had stigma once. We fear getting ill, and fear tends to lead to prejudice before information. Polio used to be erroneously blamed on poor people, for instance. And depression is often seen as a 'weakness' or personality failing.
Nothing lasts for ever. This pain won't last. The pain tells you it will last. Pain lies. Ignore it. Pain is a debt paid off with time.
Minds move. Personalities shift. To quote myself, from The Humans: 'Your mind is a galaxy. More dark than light. But the light makes it worthwhile. Which is to say, don't kill yourself. Even when the darkness is total. Always know that life is not still. Time is space. You are moving through that galaxy. Wait for the stars.'
You will one day experience joy that matches this pain. You will cry euphoric tears at the Beach Boys, you will stare down at a baby's face as she lies asleep in your lap, you will make great friends, you will eat delicious foods you haven't tried yet, you will be able to look at a view from a high place and not assess the likelihood of dying from falling. There are books you haven't read yet that will enrich you, films you will watch while eating extra-large buckets of popcorn, and you will dance and laugh and have sex and go for runs by the river and have late-night conversations and laugh until it hurts. Life is waiting for you. You might be stuck here for a while, but the world isn't going anywhere.
Hang on in there if you can. Life is always worth it.