Heaven or Hell Mostly Overwhelming Amanita muscaria by Pithtaker
Type of Spiritual Experience
A description of the experience
Heaven or Hell Mostly Overwhelming
Citation: Pithtaker. "Heaven or Hell Mostly Overwhelming: An Experience with Amanita muscaria (ID 88018)". Erowid.org. Dec 9, 2015. erowid.org/exp/88018
Amanitas - A. muscaria
I had my second AM trip on 28.10.2010…I ate two medium caps (3 grams) at around mid-day to start the ball rolling and six small caps (about 5 grams - The small ones are reputed to be stronger) at around 17H00. Once the effects were really rolling in, I drank about 100 mls of my urine (The ibotenic acid, after being converted to muscimol, passes straight through the kidneys and into the bladder, and can be consumed again).
This turned out to cause the trip to be triple magnified and particularly overwhelming. Certainly not one I wish to repeat again at the level I experienced.
To get yourself to drink your own urine is quite a feat. It means breaking a taboo and going against the urge to vomit. The best way to do it is over a period of an hour or so, one tablespoon at a time…As usual, I ate the dried shrooms as they were: Chomp chomp chomp, swallowing with a bit of lemon and ginger tea with LOTS of sugar. Not too much liquid, as I planned to have a low level of urine, with maximum concentration of muscimol.
By 18H30 I had consumed all the shrooms and the urine and the effect really started kicking in. Within a few minutes I was having a total stroboscopic, flashing amanita trip. The effects were overwhelming and scared the bejesus out of me.
Things got worse when I started falling all over the place. The AM affects your CNS motor coordination system and I had it particularly bad. I could hardly walk without falling and all the while my mind was flashing and pulsing, like a strobe, between phases of total non-perception and flashes of perception. Initially these “dark” areas of non perception were long, so I would find myself suddenly in the toilet not remembering making the decision to go there. Then going back to the bedroom, only to find myself mysteriously “appearing” in the bedroom for no reason whatsoever.
Up and down I went and started to panic. I came to within a whisker of phoning 999 but could not find the numbers to dial on the phone. Eventually I lay on the bed and shouted into the pillow.
I was be-fucked and scared shitless, the whole terror of existence and consciousness descended on me. I thought it would never end ; just this overwhelming fact of existence playing over and over again in my mind like a 16 mm film that had reached its end and was just spinning over again and again, flick flick flick flick flick flick flick flick flick flick flick flick….on and on
At some stage of this delirium I calmed slightly. I remember lifting my head off the bed and going to me knees and talking to my wife (who had been sitting me through this hell) and suddenly I had the most amazing sense of ecstasy!
“I’m alive!” I said to her…No not alive just because I was not poisoned, but alive in a deep mystical sense…Then followed the entheogenic experience…My thoughts dwelt deeply on the meaning of existence and the Universe. I came to the conclusion that there are many Universes out there, and our one just simply is one of them…
I told this startling revelation to my wife in a deep, husky whisper, over and over again…At one point she said to me “it took you so long to figure that out” and I felt I had connected with her somehow. We exchanged promises of “I Love You” over and over again…I needed the reassurance.
As I started coming down at around 21H00, the mad, raging waterfall in my head began to subside, but I felt myself dipping below the surface again and again…More of the same intense, gobsmacking wonder of it all, the Universe and our place in it, and me trying to convey this all to my wife and getting her to try understand this was not just a drug, it was so much more….
Nevertheless, I made fervent promises to my wife that I would never, EVER do this again. I knew I had scared her and had scared myself as well.
The experience was totally overwhelming! It was unbearable but to be honest, without the muscle twitching and collapsing on my arse, it would have been amazing. Losing complete control of my volition was also scary: that sense of suddenly “appearing” in a place (strobing consciousness) without remembering how I got there. I could have done without that…
So was it a bad trip? No...It was both good and bad, but mostly overwhelming.
This kind of experience would put off most people, especially someone younger (I'm 43) but it certainly was a reflection of my deep inner experience of life thus far and seemed to confirm to me that life itself is just like the amanita experience, but drawn out over 70 years or so, whereas the amanita is experienced over three or four hours...Intense.
I will do this again, but at a much lower dose, and certainly without consuming the concentrated muscimol in my urine (at least not until I have become a much more experienced pith taker!)