Observations placeholder

Addiction and misery

Identifier

002198

Type of Spiritual Experience

None

Background

A description of the experience

The Throes of the Lockbox – Clonzepam by Anonymous

I have been addicted to Clonazepam for over a year now, and I'm still 'recovering'.

The first time I ever did Clonazepam was with my friend J. He had a prescription for anxiety and he gave me 2 of his 2mg pills. I took them and didn't feel much but mild confusion and dizziness. It made me really tired and I just passed out. I wasn't all that impressed at first.

Later I found out that I had very easy access to it. I started taking a pill here and there. I had a pattern. I would take one every few days. I started to save them up and take more at a time. After I tried higher doses and liked them, I started taking 2 or 3 pills at a time. I started to feel like I needed them. I would think of things that I had planned and decide that I would function much better if I had a few Clonazepam in me.

What made it worse was that my boyfriend was prescribed Clonazepam also, shortly after I started liking them. He would give me a few here and there, until he started to get worried about me. He stopped getting refills so I wouldn’t have an access to them, although I still did.

After a few months of this I started getting panic attacks (I hear now that it could be because of taking so much Clonazepam). I would get them constantly and they were very intense, interfering with school and my life. Now I had a reason, besides my wanting to get fucked up, for taking Clonazepam. I started to really feel like I needed them.

I hadn't known it, but Clonazepam is also a depressant. When I took large quantities of it...everything that I heard was depressing. The only thing I wanted to do was cry and pop a few more Clonazepam. When I finally realized I had a bit of a problem was when I found out I had taken over 40 pills in less than two weeks. I told my 'supplier' about what was going on, and the pills were put in a safebox. My life doesn’t revolve around Clonazepam anymore, but every once in a while I look for the key to the lock. Sometimes I'm successful. But most of the time I'm not, and I'm glad.

Like 'they' say 'Once an addict, always an addict'. I'm just glad I'm aware of what I'm doing to myself now.

The source of the experience

EROWID

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References