Tolstoy, Leo - Confession - Realising he does not know his destiny
Type of Spiritual Experience
He also realises that what he thought had been spiritual 'progress' had been nothing of the sort.
A description of the experience
Tolstoy – Confessions
It seemed to me that involuntarily there, somewhere, there was this – someone – very amused -
I had lived thirty or forty years learning, developing myself, growing in body and mind, and now that I was strengthened in spirit, and had arrived at the summit of life, that point, where it opens fully, I stood like an idiot on the top, clearly understanding that all of this development and effort had been pointless.
Even if there was or was not a – someone - who was making fun of me, even this did not relieve me.
I could give no reasonable meaning to any past actions of my life.
I was surprised just how I could not understand this at the beginning.