Observations placeholder

Out here on the drive I am
Looking at my car
It doesn’t start, it just won’t go
We can’t get very far

We have such lovely times in it
You’ve taught me what to do
The clutch we’ve tried, you’ve checked my gears
And we play ‘gear sticks’ too

You said that I must treat my car
As though the car was me
So I’ve filled her tank with strong red wine
Her radiator with tea

I’ve stuffed some steak [done really rare]
In the engine with some chips
And mayonnaise and ketchup, rather tasty
Licked my lips

The carburetor’s greased with oil
Chanel – it’s worth a sonnet
The scent is wafting to me still
Underneath the bonnet

I’ve used some black suspenders
To tie down the accelerator
To make sure its revving up real fast
So we can drive her later

You said that troubles sometimes come
From the universal joint
So I’ve washed it thoroughly with soft soap
So she’ll not disappoint

You also said that older cars
Can ‘unpredictable’ be
So I’ve wound back her mileage
So no one else can see

I’ve noticed that flat tyres cause
Some skidding round sharp corners
So I’ve wrapped them up in stockings
It’s the first time that she’s worn hers

I don’t quite see why it should be
The brakes that are the trouble
I never use mine, once I’m off
I go there at the double

The garage said that underneath
I’d a ‘Catalytic converter’
Just to be sure I’ll tip her up
And with deodorant I’ll squirt her

Ho hum poor car, she doesn’t start
Please come and have a see
And play a bit with all her parts
It always works with me