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Observations placeholder

Suicide attempt by taking an assortment of pills



Type of Spiritual Experience


A description of the experience

Dr Peter Fenwick - Life at Death

Multi-colored icon.   One young man tried to kill himself by taking an assortment of pills - Librium, Demerol, Valium, Dilantin. As a result of this ingestion, he remained unconscious for four days. He remembers finding himself in a gray area:

Young man:  "The only thing that I can remember about this is just grayness. Like I was in gray water or something. I couldn't really see anything. I couldn't see myself there, either. It was just like my mind was there. And no body."

While the young man was in this state, he said he felt good:

Young man:  "Normally, I'm a very anxious, a very nervous person - a lot of fears and things like that. And during this, all the fear was gone. I had no fear whatsoever. Almost an adventurous feeling. Excitement."


Dr. Kenneth Ring: "Did you want to stay in that condition?"

Young man:  "Yeah," the young man replied, "It was a very good feeling."

He also was aware of music:

Young man:  "I also heard music - different music."

Dr. Kenneth Ring:  "Tell me what it was like."

Young man:  "It was usually like classical music; I like classical music. It wasn't exactly the music I've heard, but it was along that line."

Dr. Kenneth Ring:  "Do you recall how the music made you feel?"


Young man:  "It made me relaxed. The fears went away when I listened to it. Again, the feeling of hope, that there's something better somewhere else."

He also reported that everything, including the music, sounded "hollow and metallic - echoey" and that these acoustical sensations were associated with the watery grayness. He felt the grayness going through him, filling him and this felt good to him. After a while, he became aware of a voice:

Young man:  "I think [it was] a woman's voice, but (pause) I didn't recognize the voice."

Dr. Kenneth Ring:  "Do you recall now what she said to you?"


Young man:  "No. I just remember that it was a soothing voice. I kind of remember that with the grayness her voice kind of calling, my moving toward it."


Dr. Kenneth Ring:  "This was a friendly voice, a reassuring voice in some way?"

Young man:  "Yeah."

Dr. Kenneth Ring:  "And you felt drawn to it?"

Young man:  "Yeah. Right. Like that was the place to be."

The young man tried to get to where the voice was:

Young man:  "It seemed like I kept trying to get to where the voice was, but something was holding me back. I know I wanted to be there; I knew once I was there everything would be fine. I was sure of this. No question about it. But there was still like something holding me back from getting there."

During his experience he had seen images of people he knew. These people somehow seemed to represent the possibility of a good life; they seemed to care. He described this as "like playing back a recording of my life." The issue was joined:

Young man:  "It felt like the woman's [voice] was stronger. I wanted to get there but there was just some part of me that wanted to (pause) go back with these images."

And resolved:

Young man:  "The thing I remember most is a falling feeling. Like I was coming down really fast and then hit. And then I woke up with a jolt."

And afterward:

Young man:  "When I woke up, the first thing I thought was Oh, God. Thank you. I made it, and I was extremely happy. (He had been severely depressed before his suicide attempt.) I was just sitting there thinking about it and I felt this - I don't know - warmth filling my body. I was very happy, very excited, but then (pause) it was more than contented - it was rapture, I guess. But I couldn't explain it to anybody at the time. It was just beyond words."

This testimony sums up the essential features of his experience. In the course of his interview, he also indicated that although he never clearly saw his physical body on the bed, he did have a sense of bodily detachment and felt he had no weight at all – he was just pure mind. Neither did he have any sense of time.

When he momentarily returned to body consciousness (before drifting back into the grayness), he found the sensory world greatly enhanced – the colors were clearer and more vibrant.

The only thing scary about his experience was his fear (which was eventually vanquished) of returning to his body. His experience in the grayness was decidedly pleasant and, judging from its immediate aftereffect, very positive and powerful in its emotional impact.

The source of the experience

Ordinary person

Concepts, symbols and science items


Science Items

Activities and commonsteps