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Passing the Course - Inhalants – Glue by William [extract] Source EROWID

My interest in schoolwork dwindled during the first two terms of the second year. Attending some classes, these were usually the most enjoyable ones. One day we decided not to bother with school. I believe it was during the early part of spring 1972. Steven and myself walked into Leven, after telling some friends if inquires were made we had not been in that day. It's lucky most of the teachers seemed unconcerned, almost as if some unwritten rule said if you were not prepared to learn it was no loss to them. This suited both parties concerned. Taking the shortest route, we arrived in the shopping centre and did the rounds. Whilst in a large department store, Steven asked me to get two tubes of glue. It proved an easy task, as they were located at the back of the shops, and out of view from most people. The tubes were slipped inside my jacket, and then we causally walked out of the store. Thinking he wanted these for some repair job, it was to my surprise when his true intentions were revealed.

I had known of the term glue sniffing, but that was the extent of my knowledge. Steven explained it gave you a kind of drunken feeling, with sound effects and the occasional hallucination. He used glue ever so often but preferred pills, or smoking dope. To him it was a cheep alternative, which proved amusing. Felling quite excited by his description, there became no hesitation associated in attempting this. Not for one second did I give any consideration to possible side effects, or physical harm within my body. These matters seemed of little importance.

It was decided the beach would be the best spot for its use, with least disturbances. Leven's beach has at its beginning a curved wall, which acts as a breakwater during high tides. This is about five-foot high, with some steps at the bottom. From here we could see anyone coming. Not that it mattered, glue sniffing was in its infancy and the chance of someone realising our actions was very limited. My friend bought two packets of crisps which after being eaten the bags were then used to hold our glue. This was a clear day with few people around, it being too early in the season for tourists.

Having settled down on the steps he gave me a brief description on how to use the substance. The cap was removed and a small hole made in the top part of the tube, then it was squeezed into the packet. The aroma at first smelling strong, wasn't unpleasant. After being placed over my nose and mouth the smell increased in strength, but soon hardly became noticeable whilst continuing to breath in and out. The bag became a centre of my attention, as if it were an extra part of the body. This appeared as a form of synchronisation. It wasn't a major shift, more a different awareness in situation. My attention switched from this, to thinking about what changes the glue had caused, and they appeared to be minor. Thoughts were a little slower that usual. This proved disappointing having expected something more.

Whilst on these steps, in the background I could hear the sound of an ice cream van, or so it first appeared. This wasn't a normal jingle, and when it continued curiosity made me look over the wall to locate its source. Surprisingly nothing could be seen which offered a visual recognition. Feeling slightly bewildered asked Steven if he could hear this tune. 'There is no sound, it comes from inside your head'. As he said these words, it began to make sense. Thinking in the normal way it should have come from behind. Looking inward its source was soon found. Listening to this jingle internally, it changed to other sounds mainly instrumental based. It appeared strange, as these tunes were abstract in construction, like the ice cream composition not quite recognisable. I discovered by concentrating on the various effects that it was possible to alter some aspects of this in a limited sort of way. This only lasted a short time, then that tune was remixed into a melody not of my conscience selection. These sounds tended to repeat on themselves, anyway it was hard work thinking about altering it, and it proved easier to let my mind relax and enjoyed the demonstration.

Sitting there a strange sensation began to come over me. My body started to feel heavy, and whilst it happened all of my reactions slowed down. This took no more than a few seconds to occur. It was as if someone switched off the power and my functions were shutting down. Being aware of this made no difference. Starting to fall from my seated position I made with supreme effort a lunge towards Steven, and my left hand managed to grab his hair. I fell as if in slow motion, taking my companion with me. We hit the sand, and then quickly as it had come the sensation disappeared. I was left holding his hair feeling a little silly for my actions, which had been a grab for survival. The shortness in time between the whole events was no more than thirty seconds. This created a sense of unreality about the event, and once over it did not seem important, as say a similar act under normal circumstances. I apologised to Steven, and tried to explain what happened. He was content in his own little world until being dragged back to reality. That ended the entertainment for then, and we made our way back to school.

The last few months leading up to the summer holidays were spent much the in same routine, going to school, signing on, and shoplifting. We used glue on average once or twice per week, usually when both in the mood. Its effects on me stayed much the same consisting of various sounds and no visions, also the falling over incident did not recur. My control over these interactions was getting better. This happened with time and a little effort. As a comparison it would be like tuning a radio into a better reception. This allowed me to devote more time towards my thoughts, which I could hear as plain as any pitch in the normal wavelength. These effects were mostly musical compositions, or they started of that way, and then deviated with a break of concentration. If I were to relax many different sensations would come and be listened to with interest, trying to understand their nature within my mind. This was in its own way quite amusing, but I did not understand why Steven could see events with relative ease, whilst nothing of this nature happened to me.

My first experience of a visualisation took place at the beach during a solitary outing. It came a little way into the session, after playing with the sound effects it took the form of a dog, which suddenly manifested before me. In distance it would have been no more than three feet away. It looked like a Dachshund in appearance, but not quite real being similar to a three dimensional cartoon of very good quality. Studying this for some time, my first reaction was to stand up and try and touch it. This proved unsuccessful as the dog backed away. Realising it would be a waste of time the next plan involved coaxing the animal towards me. The dog walked beside my seated position just out of arms reach, then went along the beach and disappeared.

There was nothing else to be seen, and my attention returned to playing tunes inside. It must have been a few minutes afterwards when the same dog returned, this time with six pups playing around her. I had not seen them appear out of thin air, for they had arrived from a greater distance. The mother stopped again not far from my reach. She watched me as the others roamed around. I centred my attentions on her offspring, making all the hand movements, which under normal circumstances would have brought them forth. It was also unsuccessful. I gave up and walked back along the beach. A passing observer would have found the situation amusing.