Constance Newland - Myself and I
Type of Spiritual Experience
Thelma Moss, Ph.D. (January 6, 1918 — February 1, 1997) was an American actress, and later a psychologist and parapsychologist.
Born Thelma Schnee, a native of Connecticut, she graduated from Carnegie Tech, and originally pursued a career in acting and in writing scripts for film and television. She was one of the earliest members of The Actors Studio; as a scriptwriter, her biggest success was the screenplay for the 1954 Alec Guinness film Father Brown.
However, she struggled for years with persistent psychological problems, rooted in depression and grief at the loss of her husband (he died of cancer two days after she gave birth to a baby daughter). She survived two suicide attempts. For treatment for her problems, she underwent a course of LSD psychotherapy; she later published an autobiographical account of her treatment, My Self and I, under the pseudonym Constance A. Newland; the book was a bestseller in 1962.
A description of the experience
Myself and I – Constance A Newland
'Why am I shaking like this?' I asked Dr M
For answer my teeth began to chatter. Why? Because I was cold. Suddenly unexpectedly, I was very cold. Through my chattering teeth I told Dr M that I was freezing and would like another blanket.
'Let yourself freeze' he replied
The conscious part of me – which was quite disconnected from the shaking shivering body – began to laugh then because what was happening was so funny and so Freudian. The specific problem I had set for myself was of course my frigidity; and here I was quite frigid. It was too pat, too pat and too funny -
But the cold was so real. So very real that I heard winds roaring around me. Wild winds. Somehow I was caught up in one of those wild whirlpools of wind. I could see my body swirling off into space.. caught up in the vortex of a whirlwind........ growing smaller and smaller ….... microscopic.......... as if all the space within the atoms of me had been swept away in the wind …........
But the wind had now become.
yes.......... I was in a great whirling water …. sinking deeper and deeper down......... rather a lovely sensation, being drawn into the depths of this dark dark ocean ….. down to the very bottom. But there I lost myself. I looked curiously around the ocean floor to see if I could find myself. I could and did. I was -
- a clam
One closed up clam, alone, at the bottom of the sea. I heard myself laughing loudly; it was so funny and Freudian again. I was one closed up clam, which was of course another expression of frigidity. Closed up, non feeling