Accidental leak in starter fluid causes near death
Type of Spiritual Experience
So sad that this experience has not helped him or prompted him to learn more about the spiritual world, as opposed to simply helping him doubt the [incorrect] religious views he held
A description of the experience
Life is a Joke - Starter Fluid by LostInLife from EROWID
Setting: It all started in a tractor (my father is a rice farmer in Texas). I was cultivating this field when it started to get really rough in the cab of the tractor. There was a can of starter fluid in the cab by my feet that we use to start the tractor on cold mornings, and next to that was a large jack. I hit a big bump and the jack punctured a pretty large hole in the can. I hadn’t even noticed at first except for the distinct smell of fuel. At first I didn’t pay any attention, for you smell a lot of weird things in the cab of a tractor.
Experience: For those of you who don’t know, the cab of a tractor is basically airtight. So, I started to drive the tractor back to the fuel tank when I got a very fast wave of euphoria, a dream state if you will. I felt really good and everything I looked at seemed nonexistent. The radio was playing and suddenly I felt like I was in some sort of movie. I noticed patterns in the ground, my feet started become numb, all my limbs became surreal. After about 15 min. of zoning in and out, just sitting there in the tractor, I started to look and focus on a fence post with the horizon in the background. I would stare at the post and my center of focus would tilt a little to the left while everything outside of the center of focus would tilt to the right. I knew I was messed up then, but this visual hallucination so greatly amused me that I had no concern for the fact that I was just going deeper and deeper into the trip.
This next part is the peak of the experience and thus the hardest to explain, but I will try my hardest. While staring off everything went black, but there were these beautiful colors right in front of my face. I was floating in a place and there were souls all around me, but their eyes were all closed. I was looking around and everyone’s eyes were closed except mine. I was on this tape and it was playing the following message, “I wish everyone’s life was on a tape of me saying %$$#%,” I don’t remember what the word was, but I do remember thinking, “Well God Damn, I never would of guessed the meaning of life would have been so simple.”
Suddenly I got pulled from the people and tossed into oblivion. I had undoubtedly strayed to a part of the brain/universe man was not supposed to know of. It was like some guardian had noticed me and disposed of the awaken one. As I drifted I started to feel regret and pain, like I didn’t like the meaning of life because it was so obvious.
Deeper and deeper I drifted, then suddenly a voice came on an intercom and said, “Warning, your life will repeat in, 10, 9,” WHOOOOSH! I was sucked into this type of black hole with the counter still ticking in my head. “8, 7, 6,” My life started to play from the beginning to end. I remembered things from my child hood, I saw visions of my family. I remembered that all the times I had been a bad child, I started to curse who ever it was that had made life this way. “5, 4,” My life continued to play out up until, BOOM, I opened my eyes and my hands were in front of my face. Everything was red and blurry and there was this loud ringing like a dead dial tone in my head. I kicked open the cab of the tractor and jumped out. “3, 2, 1, zero,” I ran down a dirt road horrified and screaming at the top of my lungs, “NO,” I dropped to my knees and waited for the inevitable.
The dial tone faded out everything became clearer, I took a deep breath and realized that I was still, …here… I gathered myself up and got to my feet. Although my knees were weak, I started to walk back to the tractor, where I found the starter fluid can busted open.
I have been spiritually destroyed from this experience, where as I used to believe in God, Satan, Heaven, and Hell, I find myself totally doubting their existence. I feel as if I really did venture off.