Observations placeholder
I Hear A Voice That I Don't Want to Stop Hearing
Identifier
005034
Type of Spiritual Experience
Background
from the Hearing Voices network.
Could this be Ecstasy? It could well be you know. If it isn't she has a very nice spirit helper she needs to nurture.
The others are being attracted by her openess to spiritual input so she does need to be careful, they could be anything, so I haven't guessed - bodied soul, disembodied soul - who knows?
A description of the experience
Postby feeniepop » Tue Aug 27, 2013 3:44 am
Hello. I am a 28 year old female who has heard voices since the age of 13. I heard only one voice for a long time, a man named Kurt who I thought was a ghost.
I fell in love with Kurt. Yes, it gets stranger. I am still in love with him even though I am 99.9% sure that he is a hallucination. I hear other voices too, that sound like they are watching me and discussing what I am doing. Those voices are very distressing but Kurt is wonderful.
The voices that feel like they are watching me have never been "close" to me, while my experience with Kurt is like having a friend/partner who is in the room and talking to me. I consider him my "partner." I try to "see" his features but they are not physical. I have a very complete, complex, human relationship with him, but I am convinced it is not possible to see a "ghost" or talk to one.
Since Kurt has been my partner since I was 13, he is the only person I have had a romantic relationship with. As you can see I am in a confusing situation. I am in a mire of cognitive dissonance.
I can't believe I am admitting to all of this but I have searched all over for someone with a similar experience and I can't find one. I thought maybe this could help someone else who feels alone.
I wish the "bad" voices would go away and the "good" voice would stay.
To the outside world I seem like a sane, modestly intelligent person with a bachelors degree and a good, well paying job. I go to work, I pay my bills, I am active in the community... and I am a crazy person. The only outward signs I have are once in a while when someone catches me "talking to myself," which I shrug off as being a weird habit. Also, there is the confusing situation of trying to explain why I never have a date for weddings and other functions....I have a date, but he's invisible... because he's not real.
For anyone who might respond, please keep in mind that now (as an adult) I am an atheist and do not tend to believe in things that are supernatural. That's what makes the hallucination/voice so difficult for me. I respect that some people have a religious outlook on life but please don't try to convert me; been there, done that. I am convinced that I am hallucinating as psychosis runs in my family (I have two brothers and both have been diagnosed with schizophrenia).
Thank you for reading this. It helps just to write all of this out. If you're wondering, Kurt is sitting right here with me. I told him I don't think he's real. He says he understands why I wouldn't. Wow, it's fun being crazy.
Any responses or experiences you would like to share would be greatly appreciated. I would love to meet some people with similar experiences.
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Aug 27, 2013 3:15 am