Philipine lad just wants the voices to stop
Type of spiritual experienceHallucination
This if from the Hearing Voices network. The post is exactly as it was on the site.
He is getting a rare old mixture of input from all over the place
A description of the experience
Hi..I’m Joaquin, 24 years of age an EMT-Nurse. I begun hearing these voices in my head almost a year already. I think it all started when I resigned from my job and made some huge mistakes during my career. I went into depression for a few months and kept thinking of my mistakes I made.
I wasn’t able to sleep well and lost my interest in everyday activities. Sleep deprivation made me paranoid and I was withdrawn that I spent less time outside of our home. Then it triggered one day that my aunt got ill and I wasn’t been able to help her because I’m depressed that time and my health has also broken down. It felt like I was useless even though I’m a medical practitioner.
I started to hear voices when I was with her in the hospital, my first thought was the nurses were gossiping about me and my aunt and went angry. When I got home I kept hearing voices that seems to be people around me criticizing me of my actions and my past mistakes that’s the time I lost control and start talking back to the voices.
I didn’t immediately went to a psychiatrist until my family decided to bring me. It was hell during those days I kept hearing people talking criticizing me on everything and kept fighting back. I’m really don’t know what’s happening that time tome nor do I know why did it happen.
I spent months at home and rarely go out and I cannot sleep because of the voices keeps ringing my ears like it was never ending and all of it was awfully negative.
I was diagnosed with Depression with psychotic features then Bipolar II and I went through therapy.
I’m so afraid of telling other people about what happen to me but a few good friends of mine comforted me and supported me. I don’t know if what I’m hearing are real or not but one thing I know that sometimes it seems to be telling the truth, motivating me though in a very negative manner.
I tried everything from healthy living to taking my medications but still the voices remain. The medications doesn’t make the voices go away it just makes me drowsy and sluggish. So I stop taking my medications and started finding ways to make these voices go away!
Still with these voices I was able to finish my EMT course and even took a year in university for my masters.
I always feel broken when I hear voices it’s very intrusive and bothersome. One of them is a woman who keeps criticizing me and a guy who acknowledges her. Sometimes they are three of them.
I’m not crazy or something it just these voices are really there and I can’t control them but I can tolerate them. Until now I still have them and I feel I cannot pursue a career, live a normal life and be happy. I want these voices to stop and I want to live a normal life like everybody else.
I’m yet to find someone who has the same experience I have and I think this site is very helpful. I hope you will have a support group here in the Philippines someday. Thanks