Observations placeholder

A Second World - Inhalants – Gasoline by Apricey EROWID

[Erowid Warning: Our understanding of the literature is that there is no such thing as safe use of volatile solvents, aerosols and other street inhalants : their psychoactive effects are inseparable from nerve and organ damage. We have chosen to include these reports to help document the real world use of inhalants, but their inclusion is not intended to imply that they are anything but dangerous.]

This is something I will never forget, and I must say the darkest point in my life.

It all started when a friend showed me while we were smoking up in his basement how to huff gas. Later on that night when I was home, my parents left and I took it into my living room and began huffing more. Next thing I knew I was sitting there laughing at absolutely nothing. Later on I began doing it more.

Most of my experiences are very difficult to explain.

At first I was doing it very little. I would have conscious dreams of myself as a warm liquid spinning like a hurricane. Feeling like I was sinking into the floor. Than waking up out of it and being astonished by what had just happened. It felt amazing. Most of them were very similar, and picked up where it had left off from my previous experiences.

Then, it seemed as though I was becoming immune to it. I was no longer having these dream like states. I was having hallucinations but it did not bring me to a different place. I was beginning to just have hallucinations of people around me, these people non existent people who would soon become my worst enemy, but my best friends……

I began doing more and more to try and get back to my dream like states that I had when I first began. Next thing I knew I was becoming extremely nauseous, and would spend hours trying to puke up absolutely nothing. My face was beginning sweat doing it, and when I would go to vomit, my legs were beginning to shake. This never stopped me.

I began blaming the ' people ' around me for it. One afternoon I remember breaking down pleading with them to show me strait forward who they were. I remember crying and yelling

' STOP PLAYING FUCKING GAMES WITH ME ' . And breaking down crying asking them to stop 'fucking' with my head. ……….
 
Then it started becoming more difficult to get the dream like states. My hallucinations started becoming violent. There was a man yelling things at me. calling me useless with a pistol in my face. All the sudden I saw his hand move to pull the trigger, and right when it 'went off' I heard my father yell my name and I snapped out of it. That really impacted me, and still spooks me

The most violet [sic] hallucination I had was there were 8 children. The girls were wearing dresses and the boys were wearing suits. They had happy parents. It was all happy and all the sudden everything turned red and they were being suffocated with bags over their heads. Than after I snapped out I found myself crying and then the guy (who I later came up with Dr. Roberto) gave me those images to make me stop huffing. And it took me a few days to get over it. I did not stop though.

The violent hallucinations stopped. I started huffing more because it was taking more to get me satisfied. I began feeling as though I was elevating into my attic and the DR was pounding on the ceiling telling me to come down. I remember thinking that this was why people said it was bad. Because it gave me magic abilities.

In the middle of my elevation my mom stepped out. She told me that I looked at her for a few seconds, said nothing, and began huffing again. Finally I heard her ask me ' are you huffing gas!' and she ran me to the hospital. I was there for 6 hours because they were checking to make sure I was going to live. I was fine, but they did bloodwork on me and all kinds of stuff.

This was not the end. ………..

My 'friends' are now all gone. Everytime I step into my garage at night especially, and turn on the same old dim light, it brings me back and I get chills.

When I huffed gas I lost my mind. I lost all grips of my reality and started believing that my hallucinations were real. I was communication with people that did not exist and began to know them and grow to them emotionally. ………..

 I showed one of my close friends how to do it, and it was a very small gas can. The nozzle was as big as my pinky. I tried it but did not get any affect and she did it. I encouraged her to do more and she did and all the sudden she slumped over on my shoulder and her eyes rolled in the back of her head. She was stiff as a rock. I began yelling at her and slapped her as hard as a I could in the face. Finally I gave her a real good slap and she snapped out of it and than explained to me her dream. This scared me to death and I will never encourage somebody to do it again. I have friends who have tried it but obviously not to the extent that I have done it.