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Oliver Sacks – Hallucinations

 In 2008 my doctor prescribed paroxetine for what she called depression and I called sadness.

 I had moved from St. Louis to Massachusetts after my husband died. A week after starting paroxetine, while watching the Olympics, I was surprised to hear languid music with the men's swim races. When I turned off the TV, the music continued and has been present virtually every waking minute since.

When the music began, a doctor gave me Zyprexa  as a possible aid. That brought a visual hallucination of a murky, bubbling brown ceiling at night. A second prescription gave me hallucinations of lovely, transparent tropical plants growing in my bathroom. So I quit taking these prescriptions and the visual hallucinations ceased.

The music continued.

I do not simply "recall" these songs. The music playing in the house is as loud and clear as any CD or concert. The volume increases in a large space such as a supermarket. The music has no singers or words. I have never heard "voices" but once heard my name called urgently, while I was dozing.

There was a short time when I "heard" doorbells, phones, and alarm clocks ring although none were ringing.   I no longer experience these. In addition to music, at times I hear katydids, sparrows, or the sound of a large truck idling at my right side.

During all these experiences, I am fully aware that they are not real. I continue to function, managing my accounts and finances, moving my residence, taking care of my household.

I speak coherently while experiencing these aural and visual disturbances. My memory is quite accurate except for the occasional misplaced paper.

I can "enter" a melody I think of or have one triggered by a phrase, but I cannot stop the aural hallucinations. So I cannot stop the "piano" in the coat closet, the "clarinet" in the living room ceiling, the endless "God Bless America"s, or waking up to "Good Night, Irene."

But I manage