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Social Lubricant to Infinity

MDMA (Ecstasy)

by mrluky

Citation:   mrluky. "Social Lubricant to Infinity: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) (ID 96160)". Erowid.org. Jul 13, 2014. erowid.org/exp/96160

This report is written within 36 hours of consumption(within 24 of complete comedown).

First, some background. Recreational drug use constitutes about 5% of my life. I study financial mathematics, physics, and chemistry..and erowid. Drug use doesn't fit in my schedule, frankly, unfortunately. I really don't like how stressing my routine has become. I have become dramatically more stressed over the past few years. I rarely use drugs, so when I do, I make it worth while, with preference to intense effects, and devoting several days for the experience. Ergo, preference to LSD.

I don't support drug abuse. I say abuse, which I believe is different than recreation use. I think that taking responsibility for yourself when using drugs is one of the most important steps to take to making recreation drug use legal, or at least widely accepted. No body wants to find a loved one suffering due to drugs. It is important to be knowledgeable, know what to expect, and be prepared. Maintaining safety and control. I spend years waiting for the right opportunity to try a new drug. Only after extensive research here on Erowid, and getting input from people I know with first hand experience before I decide that I am willing to try something new. And once that opportunity comes, I only act on it if I am in a healthy mindset. So, if I'm upset, stressed, anxious, anything besides happy, I deny myself any drug.

I probably average 2 uses/year of a powerful drug (LSD, Salvia) over the last 5 years. I rarely smoke pot. My last experience before today was over 20 months ago (LSD, in bedroom). I am usually a healthy and fit individual. No soda or alcohol, a healthy diet, and good exercize.

I am particularly picky about drug purity, and I don't like not knowing what is in a pill. The combination of all these criteria have made my wait to take mdma very long.

About 30 days prior to my use of MDMA, I decided I would go to my first ever concert - EDC NYC 2012 (ASOT 550), a trance festival - to celebrate my first break from studies in three years, with the full intention to consume MDMA for my first time. I love trance, but have never been in a frame of mind to feel comfortable around so many people, let alone be high in public.

In preparation, I wanted to prime my body and mind for what I knew was going to be an extremely long, physically exhausting, mentally draining day. I started taking 400mg/day of SAM-e(S-Adenosyl methionine), which is a naturally occurring substance in the body. SAM-e is a mood elevator, and a correlation has been found between low SAM-e levels, and depressed people. I can't 'feel' a difference, but I notice that when I take it, more days seem to be a little better when I take it regularly, and I smile more. Additionally, I took about 2 cups of goji berries everyday for 30 days. Mostly for the nutritional benefit of b-12. Secondarily, it is a vasodilator. Now, I don't know if either of these things made a difference, but I knew that could only help, so I loaded up on them for the weeks leading up to the event. I also take 250mg of Vit-C a day(1500mg the morning of consuming MDMA). I also brought candy in anticipation for clenching, but it was confiscated at the gate. My jaws are beyond sore. I realize now how hard I must have been clenching.

I studied extacydata to find the types of pills that were around the NYC area to get an idea of what I could expect(purity factor).

Other things I was mindful of were hydration, and heat. Both hyper and hypo hydration/thermia. I wore loose lightweight cotton pajama pants, 2 short sleeve t-shirts, double gel sole orthopedic shoes, and 'overnight moisture gloves'. The idea behind the gloves was that I can soak them in water to help keep me cool(and it feels amazing to touch things, rub fingers, and wave hands through the air). They would also act as a consistent timer to remind me when to take a break once they dry up incase I ever lose track. They also work with a touch screen, so I don't need to remove them. After nightfall, they helped keep my hands a little warmer.

The Day Of:

Wake up: 7AM.
Eat: Bagel w/ Cream-cheese, and cup of goji berries, Gatorade: 8:30AM
Eat: Bagel & 1500mg vit C + Sugar: 10:45
Arrive at stadium: 11:15

Its pretty early, very few people are there. Formal start is 12-Noon. Some people are puking, I can notice a few 'older' 30-40 year olds obviously on something, presumably MDMA. Nothing is particularly wrong with the atmosphere, but I don't feel comfortable. I am trying to relax by enjoying the music I love, and just letting go of my self consciousness. By nature, I am reclusive. I don't desire people watching(seeing) me. I push myself to be social, when sober. But, I cannot.

3PM: Any how, at this point, I am sort of grinding through the hours. I really want to calm down before I take anything. I can't get into the groove of the music, I am feeling out of place. I am not settled. The attendee turn out was about 50-50 PLUR-Jersey Shore. I want to be on something now just so I can get on with having a little fun, but I am not right, so I don't/can't.

4PM: I find someone that sells me two capsules of powder. Each capsule was half full, and the powder was not fine. It looked like a precipitate (uniform unfine chunks of white powder). I expected to find capsules like this, based on extacydata, which listed something very similar as pure mdma. So, it was a stretch for me, but I accepted them as pure mdma.

4:30PM: I have basically accepted that I am just going to enjoy what I can, and save the pills for another time. I forget about them for a while.

6PM: A few of my favorite songs are played, and my mood changes completely. I'm jumping around, happy, I'm relaxed. Physically comfortable(pleasant). Mentally stable. Eureka. I take two. Immediately after i take them, I kick myself. Suddenly, i realize I haven't eaten a thing for hours, and I have no idea how strong these might actually be.

Two comments right now: I am with a friend I trust my life with. I know he is twice my weight, full stomach, experienced, and past peak on his roll with the same dose. Additionally, I know that I am extremely controlled(physically) with other substances(LSD).

I do know that I have security(my friend) incase something happens, and that I have a strong confidence that I will be able to control myself. But, still, A moment of not considering all the elements in the equation resulted in me taking a dose of a new drug, without consideration. This bothered me. I was happy. I made an Impulse Decision. I know I can't undo it, so I just embrace it, instead of dwelling on it and risking a change in my mood.

10 Minutes after intake: Still feeling normal, grooving to music, smiling a bit more, expecting the effects to be much much more than what I am feeling.

15 minutes: I say to myself, stop anticipating it, just enjoy the music. I close my eyes, and just groove. I am 'drawing' infinity symbols with my head(side ways figure eight). I open my eyes, and I notice some sensations. My lower back( center muscles, 3inches above the tail bone) feels pumped like I just did some deadlifts. And, my legs...It feels as if my bones were massaged for 50 years. Phenomenal. I can enjoy this, the music is the better.

Comment: 84 minutes into writing this, I am dancing and bobbing in my chair as I relive the moment.

30 minutes(guessing, lost track of time): I have never felt such pleasure in my life. It feels like I went from base line directly to peak. I could not contain my pleasure. I am moaning as loud as I can, and using my body dancing as hard as possible to the music. I give it my all, as if I am trying to live up to the musics expectations of me and my energy. The bass is massaging my body. Fortunately, I cannot hear myself because the music is so loud, so I don't think anybody else heard me let go and just enjoy myself. There is a period here where I am in complete ecstasy, literally. I have no idea of how much time passes. I am taking periodic sips of water(1oz of h2o, if I had to guess.) mostly to quench perpetual dry mouth, and just dancing. My only conscious consideration beyond sheer love and pleasure, is to not bump into other people in the crowd. I really want someone to dance with and touch(I am a 'handsy' person, but I restrain)/hug..everyone. I approach a few girls and ask politely like in old movies, 'would you like to dance with me?'(They said no). Other than that, I remember having my head tilted all the way back, moaning, and twice turning to my friend and screaming, 'this is WAYYYYYY better than acid!!'

At this point, I have yet to take a break, and have yet to wet my gloves once. I have no time frame. It is early dusk now.

I regain some composure when I notice that my canteen is empty, and have been dancing at maximum exertion for at least half a set. I immediately vacate the stage area, and walk to the free water station to get water, and soak my gloves. This is achieved in about 5 minutes, but it takes me about 30 minutes to get back to the stage, as I wander around and just enjoy the relaxation. I socialize with strangers, which is a non-occurance normally. I am a very old-school, type person and I have utmost manners. I make sure I am not barging, or imposing myself onto people. I say, 'I hope I am not interrupting your plans, do you mind talking for a bit?', and just making sure in general that I am not bothering them in the slightest. 'You don't have to talk to me, but I would like to talk a little bit, if you don't mind'.

I am walking around the back end of the entire festival, stroking my cold water canteen with wet gloves, and a man and woman are walking straight at me. Obviously approaching me, so I turn walking towards them. At this point, I know I am high, but I believe that I am on the full comedown, as compared to the peak. 'We noticed that you're tripping really hard. We're tripping hard, too, so we wanted to say hi.'. To me, this is like divine intervention. Like, 'How could this happen among all the possibilities?'. We talk, and its beautiful. After I tell them that this is my first roll, and first concert, he teaches me the PLUR ritual, and gives me a bracelet. I cherish it.

It's late dusk: I check my phone and read a text from my friend. He is worried where I have gone, if I am ok. So I bee line straight to our meet up spot. Cellular services were overloaded as expected. 30 minute delays for texts at least. Meet up spot is essential.

This repeats for what feels like several hours. Dance hard, drink canteen until empty, refill, wander, Dance hard, Repeat.

By 9 I am getting uncomfortable again being in the crowd. I am not getting into the music enough. I try to get back into it, but I cannot, and remove myself from the crowd. I send a self time stamped text to notify my friend. All ok.

As I calm down, it is dark, and I become mindful again that I haven't eaten anything, and have drank a large quantity of (filtered city) water.

Comment: I urinated clear fluid about 5 times. An Over-Full Bladder each time. I held my urine for so long each time that I feared I injured myself once I started feeling this pain. It felt like 'blue balls' in my lower abdomen (the tips of the 'v', the ticklish spot). And this feeling is while rolling, so it must have been quite a pain.

9:30-10: Mindful of not eating, and the pain, I get concern that I really should intake salt. I spent all my cash on the water canteen, and the pills. I figure that the city water has some minerals in it, but I want to be safe and get some salt in me ASAP. I am alone without reliable communications, without money. I immediately go to the condiments stand and take 2 ketchup packets. I know that they have sugar and salts, so at the very least, I will have something immediately. I gulp each one. Worst taste in the world. I then walk to the emergency tent, and ask calmly, 'This isn't an emergency. Do you have any potassium pills, or some table salt?', but they were not helpful. I then walk to every pretzel and margarita stand calmly and politely asking if they have any table salt, to no avail. It is then that I realize that every single food sold is not fresh. Bummer.

Anyway, I know the last set is scheduled to end at 11PM. I don't want to over use what I must presume to be nearly depleted bodily resources, so I just wander calmly, listening to music from afar sipping water minimally to avoid having to urinate again, and reflecting on everything for an hour. I verify my exit strategy, and rendezvous time with my friend, and wait/wander.(this is an enclosed area. no chance of getting lost)

Event end and exit is without a hitch. Once on the train, I suddenly feel how completely exhausted and sore my legs and feet are. The train is very quiet(filled with party goers), and was an experience unto itself. I am feeling good, tired, but focused to ensure I get home. The travel was a few hours(had to wait for transfer trains, but much safer than driving).

2AM. I get home, and shower. I am so completely exhausted, I cannot tell if I am still high, or just tired. I force myself to take a quick warm/cool shower, to cleanse my body, and give one last cool down. I am worried that I have strep throat. My tonsils are very swollen, and it hurts to eat a peach. I eat a boiled salty potato, a cup of goji berries and some water mellon before bed, to ensure my body has at least some nourishment to begin replenishment. 2:30AM. I sweat heavily during the night - Unusual.

I wake up at 8AM, and get out of bed at 9AM. I feel phenomenal. Very physically drained, but relaxed, and in a pleasure state. Not tired, not upset. Sort of like after a good hard exercise, but without the exertion sensation. My body is jelly. Uber relaxed. A surprise, as I expected to be basically bed ridden, in an unpleasant withdrawal/recovery. I made sure my day would be very light. I had breakfast with my brother and father. I have an egg, salty chicken soup, and orange juice. Told stories of the day past, excluding the drug use, but I find myself particularly, open, and...feeling high. Extremely open with family. I notice I am still overjoyed by touch sensations. Smiling like a goof, giddy. Dancing to silence. And, carefree to the idea of them knowing I am high.

I was hoping the morning sensation would last like a long term after-use effect. Unfortunately, it tapered off around noon.

Conclusion:

Firstly, even though I prepared, better preparation could have been made for things like nourishment during the experience, and clenching. Everything went as expected, with the additional bonus of the day after. I now am not certain what the usual recovery is, because I expected 'oh my god, this sucks, I want to die' feelings. It was more like a lazy day with a little something extra in the happiness department, 'who wants a hug?'. I will have to test without priming my body, to see if the SAM-e&Goji helped effects, and recovery.

The very abrupt peak was unexpected. The clarity while on MDMA was also not expected. It turned me into a happy social person..very bizarre indeed. I was not expecting such incredible physical pleasure. it was more physical for me than cerebral. It's a mood enhancer, not an inebriant. If close to peak lasted longer, I would say that MDMA is superior to LSD, but they are different. And both are wonderful gifts.

Use with respect.

And now I conclude the day after.

Take care of yourself. You have your entire life to experience things. Don't try to do it all at once.