Observations placeholder

John C Lilly – The Center of the Cyclone

When I look back into my apparent past life, I find faulty recordings in my mind. I made records; rather, something made records – probably very good ones.

I fought the recordings, edited them to fit my expectations of me, vain in my pride of me; I created 'the false image of me'. I patched and repaired broken me, yet I was never broken – never repaired – only this image of me. All my work was illusory. The repair bench, the image, was imagined.

I have always been me, always will be me. The true recordings are there if I want to feel-experience them as they really happened. But why look back into non existence, into old files long past? Only to look back and know that something did a good job of recording?

The future of me – is there any without fright, pain, grief? Without further editing, repair, false recording? Is this all I do …. juggle a truth into falsity? Is this the work for this trip?

Something else made the good recordings I edited. Why not let me make good recordings by resigning as editor/repairman? Let me be just me – 'hereing' and 'nowing' – accepting what is, and what is not, equally as true.

Beyond me is much I haven't even imagined. It has always been beyond me. Here's the joyful pursuit, beyond here and now, to infinity, to the nullity of the creative Void.