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The Maniac – A Realistic Study of Madness from the Maniac’s Point of View – E Thelmar

 “Your brother, Oliver, has returned, and is asking to see you."

I thought, "Now! Is he alive or dead?" I stopped brushing my hair, and looked earnestly at Mrs. W. She gazed equally earnestly and inquiringly at me, I thought, "I had better not frighten her by asking her if this is a living man or an apparition -in either case he is sure to look, apparently, the same. She would be terrified if he turns out to be a dead man. I had better say nothing, and go and see for myself."

I said to Mrs. W., “Where is he?"

She said, "Outside, in the passage."

I walked to the door, which was ajar, and flung it open wide. Confronting fire, in the full blaze of the electric light on the landing, stood my brother. His eyes, which met mine, looked unnaturally bright and scared. I felt wholly uncertain as to whether he were an actual, living man, or an apparition from the dead. To say that I did not feel nervous would not be true, but my conscience being perfectly clear concerning my intentions towards him, I walked straight up to him and kissed him on the cheek. It was warm, living flesh.

"He is alive and well!" I thought joyfully. "His eyes are so bright, he looks more full of life than I have ever seen him I But he has such a scared expression I am afraid that shattering of his worser self has been a tremendous shock to him. I must reassure him, and convince him that he really is alive and safe, and that I wish him to be alive."

I said aloud to him, "Good-night, Oliver. Go and fetch, my things from my lodgings for me, will you, and bring them here to-.  Be sure and bring them yourself, won't you? "

He said he would, and I turned back into the bedroom quite satisfied. I thought, "He realises now that he is alive, and has not been killed with his worser self; and I have shown him that I want him by making him promise to come back to me. Now, that is all right."

I had no consciousness whatever of getting into bed, but I suddenly returned to consciousness to find myself in bed. Standing beside me was a man-a complete stranger………………..

I put my head down under the bedclothes, and asked mentally of the voices- "Who is this man? He is a doctor, all right, isn't he? He is uncommonly good-looking; but he is not Ray Hall, I know, because he understands nothing about spiritualism, and he and I are antagonistic, mentally-so I am certain he is not Ray Hall. Who is he, really? "

The voices at once replied- "Yes, he is a doctor, all right, and he isn't Ray Hall. But he is going to allow Ray Hall to manifest himself to you for one instant, through his body. Turn now and look at him, and see what happens."

I turned and looked straight into the doctor's face, wondering what would happen. As I did so, his eyes changed suddenly in the most extraordinary manner. They were large and dark in reality, but as I looked at them they became quite twice the size of any human eyes. They seemed two deep wells of light. From these depths gazed out at me no human being, but Christ Himself, with a look of the most ineffable and divine love.

I felt myself being drawn, body and soul, towards those eyes as if I were a needle being drawn by a magnet. I half-raised myself on one elbow and stared in speechless fascination at this extraordinary spectacle. My whole soul went out in answering love to that look of divine love bent upon me.

But I thought to myself, "I am a living, human woman -I do not want to be the Bride of Christ-I need the living, human man I love, who will be with me here, on earth, where I am so lonely."

As I gazed, the vision vanished as suddenly as it had appeared, and I found myself staring into the doctors own eyes. Instantly I put my head down under the bedclothes, and said to the voice that had told me to look for the manifestation of Ray Hall through the doctor's body-

 "That was not Ray Hall-those eyes looking at me were no human eyes. They were the eyes of Christ."

“No," replied the voice, “those were the eyes of Ray Hall. They appeared divine because he was looking at you with a love made perfect. Human love, when perfect, is divine."