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ARTHUR KOESTLER. From Arrow in the Blue (London, 1952), ch, xii,

The juvenile quest for the secret of infinity, split into two simultaneous and in all respects contradictory pursuits.

I can remember fairly clearly the moment-when the arrow split and the two halves began to lead their independent existence. It was on a spring morning ln 1924. I was sitting on a bench in the Volksgarten, one of Vienna's enchanted parks-, with a pile of books beside me. On top lay a pamphlet about the latest Arab riots in Palestine, with appalling details of children put to-the sword as in the days of Herod, of Jewish pioneers being killed after having been blinded and castrated, of the passivity of the Mandatory Administration and their refusal to allow the Jews to arm in self-defence.

While I was reading the pamphlet, I felt myself choke and seethe with impotent anger. Moral indignation did and still does affect me in a direct physical manner. Like most people who suffer from Chronic Indignation - as others do from chronic indigestion - I can feel, during an attack, the infusion of adrenalin into the bloodstream, the craving of the muscles; flooded with blood-sugar, for violent action. As the case may be, you begin to tremble, or throw a choleric fit, or write a revolutionary tract, or start growing an ulcer.

When I had finished reading the pamphlet and had calmed down a little, I fell into one of my habitual reveries about devoting my life to the cause of the persecuted as a fighter and writer of books which would shake the conscience of the world. I must have used up since then tons of adrenalin on that job.

While still in the grip of that dream, and all geared for action, I opened the next book in the pile at its marked page. It was Weyl’s introduction to Einstein's theory of Relativity.

A phrase suddenly struck me and has remained in my memory ever since. It said that the theory of General Relativity led the human imagination "across the peaks of glaciers never before explored by an human being." This cliche had an unexpectedly strong effect. I saw Einstein's world-shaking formula-Energy equals Mass multiplied by the square of the velocity of light-hovering in a kind of rarified haze over the glaciers, and this image carried a sensation of infinite tranquillity and peace.

The martyred infants and castrated pioneers of the Holy Land shrank to microscopic insignificance. Beast had fed on beast in sea and jungle since the beginnings of organic life; it was a law of Nature and of history; there was nothing to get excited about. The fate of these unfortunates had to be viewed with the same serene, detached, meditative eye as that of stars bursting into novae, of sunspots erupting, of rocks decaying into swamps, and primeval forests being transformed into coal.

This change in perspective was accompanied by an equally pronounced physiological change. The sensation of choking with indignation was succeeded by the relaxed quietude and self-dissolving stillness of the "oceanic feeling."

I have often since experienced both of these opposite states of mind, but never in such close proximity as on that occasion. They are opposites in every respect-in their physiological mechanism, emotional tone, intellectual outlook, and in the social attitudes which they produce.

Moral indignation may be compared to a sudden, or continuous implosion which provides the heat and pressure required for action. The effect of the "oceanic feeling”, on the other hand, is an expansion of consciousness, its liberation from any pressure and itch, its temporary dissolution in Nirvana.

Though the two states are mutually exclusive at any given moment, they may alternate in time. They may succeed each other in quick oscillation of mood and outlook within a single day, or there may be periods of several years in an individual's life when one or the other is dominant. The institution of the "retreat" known in various forms to all civilisations, was obviously developed under the influence of this duality...the "oceanic experience" to a large extent eludes verbal communication.. .'